WEST ISLAND SECTION/REGATTA
STEPHANIE WHITTAKER
SPECIAL TO THE GAZETTE

   Chutzpah: noun; Yiddish; 1) The state or quality of being brazen and arrogantly self-confident; gall, nerve, presumptuousness.
2) What you need when you participate in a regatta, knowing almost nothing about sailing, two weeks after failing a basic sailing course.
   
   Chutzpah and a healthy ego. My friend, Anthony Synnott, and I needed both recently when we sailed in the Montreal One Design Regatta at the Pointe Claire Yacht Club. In fact, a strong ego comes in handy when you place dead last in every race. And chutzpah is essential when you¹re sailing in the company of seasoned, world-class sailors who complete their races in the time it takes you to say: ³Ahoy, ye maties, pass the rum. And by the way, where¹s the wind coming from?²
   Our little exercise in humiliation began over Christmas dinner last year when Anthony and I made a pact to learn to sail together at the Pointe Claire Yacht Club. Neither of our spouses had the inclination or time to join us in this pursuit.
   So eager were we to learn, in fact, that we were the first of the season to sign up for a 14-hour course that would teach us the rudiments of sailing dinghies, those little two-person boats that don¹t have cabins. In a perfect world, we would each have mastered the basics by now and been granted a so-called ³White Sail² certification, approved by the Canadian Yachting Association. Anthony, who has a history with boats owing to the fact that he spent his youth in Her Majesty¹s Royal Navy, passed the course. Alas, I did not because of a teeny, tiny, little mistake.
   Anthony, whom I¹ll henceforth always think of as the most forgiving of my friends considering the awful thing I did to him, got his certification by demonstrating a strong grasp of the skills taught by our instructor, Robert Fradette, whom I¹ll henceforth always think of as the most patient of all teachers.
   In the fourth and last of our lessons, Robert announced that we¹d practice a ³man overboard² exercise, in which Anthony would jump into the water and I would single-handedly maneuver the boat to save him. Clad in a wet suit and life-jacket, Anthony threw himself into the drink and spent the next 20 minutes being anointed by Eau de Lac St. Louis while I swerved off toward Khanawake in an out-of-control boat. My efforts to save my sailing partner saw me circling him in an ever increasing radius until it was left to the patient Robert to fish him out of the lake, into the crash boat. Later, on shore, I grudgingly acknowledged that I was not  ready to be certified as competent.
   Despite this inauspicious event, I was terrified and thrilled when Anthony suggested we enter the fifth annual Montreal One Design Race, a weekend-long regatta hosted by our club. Having joined Pointe Claire Yacht Club as non boat owners (or NBOs, as they¹re called), we have access to the club-owned fleet of dinghies; we would sail in one of the 420s in which we¹d taken lessons. Actually, only Anthony had access to the fleet because he¹d been certified. So it was agreed he¹d skipper and I¹d crew.
   For the uninitiated, One Design refers to the fact that each fleet of boats sails in its own race against others of its kind. In other words, it¹s apples with apples and oranges with oranges rather than the apples-and-oranges-together approach that characterizes other sailing races, in which each class of boat gets a handicap. Nine 420s would compete against each other while two other dinghy classes, Fireballs and 29ers, would each have their own races.
   In all, eight classes of boat (the others included Sharks, Mirage 24s, Etchells, Stars and 49ers) sailed in seven races on three separate race courses throughout the two days. The regatta attracted 75 boats from yacht clubs around Lake St. Louis and the Lake of Two Mountains.
   Most of the competitors in the 420 fleet were teenagers and young adults from PCYC¹s junior squadron.
   For Anthony and me, Saturday was a fascinating lesson not only in trying to assess where the wind was coming from but in maneuvering our boat as the breezes constantly oscillated. Just when we thought we¹d nailed our direction, the wind would either shift or disappear altogether and we¹d be stalled.
    People who spend all their time on land usually don¹t give a damn about wind unless it¹s strong enough to blow the shingles off their roof or send a tree branch through the kitchen window. But on water, sailors literally live and die by it.
   Anyway, it took us so long to reach the first mark that the race committee sent out regatta volunteer Stephanie Bauer in a crash boat to advise us to abandon the course immediately. We were to return to the start line because the next race was about to begin. This scenario would be repeated during each race we sailed. Frankly, I blame the wind.
   After the first aborted race, two young women in another 420, apparently unaware that we stragglers had been granted dispensation, sailed by and announced: ³we¹ll have to protest you² to the race committee. They¹d observed our failure to round the leeward mark. We were reminded of school, when a prefect threatens to turn you in for some petty misdemeanour. If our sluggishness on the race course wasn¹t humiliating enough, that was.
   We sailed three of Saturday¹s five races and when Anthony left for vacation the next day, Malcolm Van Haeften, a seasoned Fireball sailor whom I will henceforth regard as the kindest, most gracious and accommodating of all sailors, invited me to crew for him, knowing full well I¹d probably cause him to lose the two Sunday races.
   We did lose but I learned a lot in the process of participating in the Montreal One Design Regatta. I learned more nautical terms to add to the others I¹ve been learning all season. Sailing has its own nomenclature that¹s like a foreign language. So here are two of the terms I learned at the MODR, which may be useful to you if, like me, you¹re learning to sail. They are:

   Dead last: (adj.) 1) Being or remaining after all others; final; hindmost, lag, rearmost, end. 2) The position one occupies in a sailing race when one barely knows a gib sheet from a bow line and is hopeless at fishing a friend out of a lake.

   Euphoria:     (noun) - 1) A state of great happiness and well-being; exhilaration; elatedness. 2) The way you feel after coming dead last in every race of the Montreal One Design Regatta because just being there is its own reward.
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